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Dates from Hell

"GOD, please...where are all the normal people!!!???"

Occasionally my friends and I will gather, and during the course of our visiting we share entertaining dating stories. One evening while recounting worst dates, we giggled hysterically. That said, I've asked for assistance with "bad date" stories and will publish them here. These are by no means disparaging to one gender. All "bad date" stories are welcome for publication, provided they're in good taste. Feel free to contribute your "date from hell" story here.

Date #1 Don't Date Persons That Abuse Children or small Animals: I met a man at school during a band concert. His daughter shared the same grade as my son, and both participated in band. We exchanged niceties after the concert and had no further contact. A few months later we bumped into one another, and he asked for my telephone number. After several normal conversations, we agreed to meet for dinner. When I picked him up promptly at 7, I walked up his driveway and discovered him beating the tar out of one of his 3 young children. Struggling with wanting to walk away, and wanting the behavior to stop, I rang the doorbell. Instead of saying hello, he uttered "How long have you been standing there?!" Not the type you'd take home to meet the parents...

Date #2 - Don't Give Out Your Unpublished Phone Number to Nutcases: Recently, while celebrating a good friend's birthday, I met a man who appeared to be normal, kind and sincere. Our birthday group soon left, and weeks later while attending a dance our paths crossed again. He indicated he'd like to see me again and asked for my phone number. 30 minutes later he told me his wife left him for another woman, and he'd been fired from his job. Not wishing to be judgmental (bad things happen to good people, right?), we continued our conversation. The following evening he called and said, "I'm coming to your house Tuesday night. Make sure you have a cold 6 pack of Bud Light in the refrigerator for me, and I'll tell you my life story." The following evening, he called and hung up repeatedly. When did I invite this person to my home?? Hello...?

Date #3 - If They Claim to be a Witch During Dinner, Run to the Restroom and Don't Return: A male friend met a woman on the Internet, and eventually they opted to meet and have dinner. She arrived rather late, and while he didn't find her attractive, thought it best to be polite and finish the dinner. Throughout their meal, she indicated she was a practicing witch, and proceeded to tell him all about witchcraft. Poor fellow. He said it was one of the longest nights of his life.

Date #4 - Don't Meet Daniel Boone Wannabes: A friend met a lady and their first date was attending at a concert. He reports this: "I met one at a local theatre last night. Yep, she's a freak. Well let's just say she showed up in a Daniel Boone style Rat coon cap. I'll let you fill in the blanks. GOD, please...where are all the normal people!!!???"

Date #5 - Don't Date Persons who Enjoy Running Over Animals with Cars: As a youth, one of my first dates was with a 17 year old man. He picked me up, we had a nice dinner, and as he drove me home we happened upon an opossum crossing a country road. Apparently having an aversion to opossums, he drove in the ditch, and purposely ran over the animal with his vehicle. Regardless of the shock I expressed, he backed up and drove over it again ... repeatedly.

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